Losing My Running Mojo

Sunday morning I work up at 7am, put on a pair of shorts and compression socks, gobbled up a banana and granola bar, sipped on a cup of water, and set my stopwatch to zero. I let my dogs out back and stepped outside to get a taste for the temperature. Then suddenly, as I stood there dressed and ready to go, I realized my 18 mile long run was not going to happen. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Instead of turning on my music and heading out the door, I went back upstairs, defeated, and broke down. In my two and half years of running, and barring injury, I have always sucked it up, gone out there, and finished my run. This time was different.

Mentally I consider myself to be a strong runner. Bad runs happen, by overall, I don't deal with a lot of self-doubt. Finding success in running helps boosts my confidence in other areas of my life, which is one of the reasons I love it. But this weekend I let anxiety and self-doubt win. Instead of feeling like my usual capable self, I felt defeated. I failed.

This has been a tough semester for me and, as we fully dive into April, otherwise known as the end of the semester, I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. Sunday morning everything came crashing down. The thought of running for 3 hours and then sitting down to do hours upon hours of work seemed impossible.

Obviously no one has a gun to my head telling me to run. It's something I put on myself and its only as important as I believe it to be. On the one hand I am glad that I didn't force myself to run when I really didn't want to. Its important to be flexible and take breaks when your body and mind tells you to. On the other hand, I feel like I'm in this vicious cycle. The doubt I've felt in some of the non-running areas of my life has now negatively affected my running, And when I lose confidence in my running, I in turn lose confidence in other areas of my life. And around and around it goes.

Eventually Mike convinced me to go out for a shorter run with him. We settled on 10 miles, but I still wasn't remotely excited about it. Truthfully, it was one of the hardest 10 mile runs of my life. I wanted to quit every mile, and probably would have if my husband weren't by my side. The whole time I kept wondering how the hell I ran 50 miles when getting to the next stoplight seemed so hard.

I wish I could tell you that I felt better after the run, that my anxiety levels deflated and I regained my confidence, but I didn't. I hope that this weekend was the turn around point and that my running mojo is out there somewhere ready for me to find. I'm ready to feel strong again.



 

Climbing Back Up The Ladder

Being injured is a lot like falling off a ladder. You may only fall down a few rungs or your ass might hit the ground. Either way, eventually you find yourself climbing back up agsin to where you were, maybe even hoping to go further this time around.

Being injured and recovering from injury each have their unique challenges. When you're injured you agonize over when you might be better and how you might get there. When you're recovering you fear having a setback. Luckily I'm fully into recovery now. Five full weeks into it. Five weeks that I've been running again. When I fell off the ladder though, I feel all the way to the bottom. I start with one mile, then two, then three, etc, etc. It's terribly slow and it feels like you will never get back to where you were. Patience is of the utmost importance.

Now five weeks after that miraculous one mile test run I'm feeling more comfortable with the miles, but there are some other things I have to deal with. There are certain rungs on the ladder that I have to face up to one at a time.

1) Back-to-back runs

Once upon a time I ran six days a week. While I'd like to get there again, I'm more interested in getting back to base, which would be running on Tue, Wed, Thurs and Sat, Sun. Finally, after 4.5 weeks of running every other day I finally ran two days in a row. It was the most terrifying 4 miles of my life, but it turned out fine. Last spring when I was injured I started running multiple days in a row after only two or three weeks, but this time I felt more hesitant.

2) Getting off the treadmill

Never before in my life have a logged so many treadmill miles. In fact, in the past five weeks I've only logged treadmill miles. 55 of them in January and 35 so far this month to be exact. I think before this the longest consecutive run I'd ever done on the treadmill was 5 miles on vacation when it was too hot to run outside. Last Sunday I peeled through 8. While that might be a little much for my attention span, I've actually started to like the treadmill for shorter runs. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to hit the road again, but I'm terrified of it. The treadmill is my safe haven. My cushy, bouncey, speed-controlled running home. Outside there are pavement, hills, uneven surface. Insanity!

3) Wardrobe diversity

The first week I was running again I wore compression shorts during every run. Whether or not they were really keeping my IT band in line, mentally they made me feel secure. Fast forward to today and I'm still wearing those damn shorts during every run. They are awesome (seriously, you should try them!), and they were a staple of my post-run recovery during JFK training, but I have got to stop relying on them. Just like the treadmill, I don't feel safe without them. Mentally, however, I know I need to let go (not to mention all of my Lululemon clothes are feeling neglected).

It's hard to know when your body is ready to move to the next level, but the lesson is that if you never try, you'll never know. Obviously there was a time when these three things came easy to me. One day they will again.

What have you struggled with during recovery from injury?

On Being Back

Hello there! Nice to see you again. After taking a five week break from blogging and nearly an eight week break from running I'm happy to be back doing both again!

I won't go into all of the horrible details of the past two months. Suffice to say that while I almost (emphasis on the almost) enjoyed the first few weeks of my running break after JFK, as soon as my semester ended and I found myself with loads more free time and my inability to run put my mood in the dumps. What I thought was runner's knee ended up being a nasty case of ITBS. I start PT next week, but I'm already feeling better after I revisited many of the PT exercises I learned in the spring when I had shin splints. Apparently weak hips is just my thing. The road ahead is still long and I'm not running very far or very often, but baby steps will turn into big girl steps in no time at all.

I've done a lot of soul searching about what I want 2013 to bring. In 2011, my first full year of running (and my first year of racing) I signed up for and ran 12 races, peaking with my first marathon in November 2011. Last year, I signed up for 18 races, but only ended up running 10. A spring injury forced me to abandon my first 50 mile attempt in the spring among other races. While I did eventually make it 50 miles, I spent most of the year being overzealous and trying to take on too much, too fast. Hence the injuries.

So this year, while I really, really do want to tackle another 50, I'm giving myself a break. Or, rather, I'm giving myself a different sort of challenge. Instead of focusing on distance, I want to focus on speed. Particularly speed in the marathon and 50k. I want to PR both distances at least once if not twice during the year.

Ready to start adding more to my rack

My spring set up includes a March marathon and a May 50k. There will probably be more additions later on, but I'm trying to do a "less is more" kind of thing, so holding back is also a goal. Not signing up for a 50 miler was really difficult. I had been scoping out the Finger Lakes Fifties 50 Mile in July for quite some time. Afraid that I would actually commit to it once I was completed recovered from my injury (when my arrogance was back), I conveniently booked our annual summer vacation for the same weekend. If I still feel like I'm missing out on July 6th when I'm frolicking in Europe, then something must be really wrong with me.

I will revisit 50 miles in 2014. Until then, bring on the speed!

Is It Worth It?

I've been doing a lot of thinking since running JFK two and a half weeks ago. I'm still dealing with knee pain. I tried running 3 miles on Monday and it started to ache at mile 2.5. I biked to work on Monday and Tuesday, which I think was good and bad. Good because I felt like my quads were getting stronger. Bad because bending the knee that much doesn't help anything. This morning I tried to run again, felt pain around mile 2, gave up a half mile later and walked home sulking.

The thinking I have been doing is about whether or not I really want to continue running ultras. Well, I want to do them, but I'm just not sure I want to deal with the aftermath. On the one hand its nice to have a goal race to train for and who knows how many miles I would really put down every week if I didn't have a 50 mile race looming in the back of my mind. On the other hand, in exchange for running so many miles in one day I have to give up miles on other days.

I love to run. I would run at least 10 miles every day if I could. The problem with loving to run so much, however, is that when I have to back off of running because of that big goal race it makes me hate that big goal race.

Other than laying down 50 miles in a single day on November 17th, I feel like I haven't really run much since October. Between a three week taper, which I hated, and the almost three weeks I've spent recovering/injured, which was okay at first but now officially sucks, I've lost a month a half because of JFK.

What would I really prefer to have? 6 weeks of regular running back in my life? Or a challenging race completed and checked off my list? Truthfully I don't know. I love challenging myself with ultras, but right now, honestly, I just rather be running.

Sidenote: This post will probably be completely null and void as soon as I'm uninjured and start wanting to feel like a badass again who runs 50 miles.

The Run When I Felt Invincible

It was exactly two years ago this Thanksgiving that I went out for a run in DC and ran 4.6 miles - the farthest I had ever run. At that time I had been running 2-3 miles a few days a week for two months. I was still a brand new runner. For whatever reason Thanksgiving Day seemed like the perfect time to try and break the 3 mile barrier. I remember feeling challenged, but even more so I remember feeling liberated. Like I was breaking through my own body's expectations. Going outside the box. Pushing my body and mind and enjoying the hell out of every second of it. A part of me felt like I could run forever.

Very few runs have left a smile on my face that big and on that day a very tiny seed was planted. A seed that a few days later lead me online looking for half marathons in the spring. Before that I had never had any desire to race or run any longer distances. I guess you could say that November 25, 2010 was the day the crazy started.

Last year a few days before Thanksgiving I ran my first marathon in Philly. This year, I entered the same holiday having just completed a 50 mile race. Lately its been easy for me to lose sight of the meaning a single mile can have. My perception has changed. The mileage bar has been increasing. But regardless of whether you're breaking through your 3 mile wall or your 50 mile wall, the overwhelming feeling of pride and satisfaction is the same. You did this. You succeeded. You finished.

I've got some big plans for 2013 and I look forward to this time next year when I can look back and remember where it all started.

Run long and be merry my friends!

What Running Has Done For Me

I've already expressed how much difficulty I had with my long run on Sunday. Sure, physically it was challenging and I was feeling sore by mile 15 already, but my real issues came not from my body, but my mind. It's been awhile since I've wanted to quit that many times during a run. And at each moment of self-doubt I had to think of ways to inspire and push myself forward. When it's just you and the road, you have to create the motivation to keep going.

So I got to thinking: "What has running done for me? Why do I keep doing it?" Obviously there is a lovely endorphin boost that comes with any exercise, but really running has done much more for me beyond a happy smile on my face after a 6 mile run.



Weeee endorphins!

I used to be a person who quit things. I quit all of the after school activities my mom signed me up for when I was a kid. I quit studying for the SATs because I felt overwhelmed and outnumbered by all of the overachievers in my graduating class. I quit studying in college because partying seemed a lot better.

And then I found running, and I became a person who didn't quit things. While it might have started with not quitting on an early morning jog or racing a new distance, eventually it spread to other things to. Soon quitting became something that wasn't even an option in my life.
From a recent New York Times article "The Honorable Clan of the Long-Distance Runner":

"Nonrunners often imagine that people can cover 26.2 miles only because they have lean, muscled legs and a highly developed cardiovascular system. Nothing could be further from the truth. The runner's most important organ, by far, is the brain -- the source of our dreams, drive and determination. Almost a century ago, the great Finnish distance runner Paavo Nurmi said: 'Mind is everything; muscle, mere pieces of rubber. All that I am, I am because of my mind.'"

You always hear about how running is a metaphor for life and blah, blah, blah some people chalk that up to being cheesy. But really, how much easier is it to get through a tough day or a tough situation, when you've physically and, more importantly, mentally gotten yourself through your first long run or a marathon or a speedy 5k?

My most mentally challenging race thus far: PHUNT 50k

I may not be the fastest person on the block, but thanks to running I've got a mind of steel, and that will get me places (hopefully to the finish line of the JFK 50 for starters, eh, eh?). Running has made me a stronger person and that is why I keep doing it.

Chime in! Do you feel mentally "tougher" since you started running?

Lessons From Christopher McDougall

Last night I attended a lecture by Born to Run's Christopher McDougall. Sorry, I do not have any pictures because I'm lame. Also, his talk was really engaging and I sort of just forgot. I was supposed to go on a fun run with him and some other locals beforehand, but I did the right thing, which is listening to my body and my body told me I wasn't ready to try and keep pace with anyone yet. Better safe than sorry.

Chris McDougall
Source

Back to the lecture though! It's been a long time since I've seen a lecture without a powerpoint or slides or anything, but all it takes is one speaker to make you remember just how captivating words alone can be. He opened by talking about Caballo, how he first met him, and his passing two weeks ago. Caballo seems to have died in what Chris described as the exact way he would want to go - doing something he loved, running.

Caballo Blanco
Source

He spent the rest of the lecture talking about meeting the Tarahumara for the first time, doing research for the book, observing the Tarahumara's unique running form, and how our species is designed for running. A few of the major things I took away were:

We're Born to Run
Well, obviously. I read the book, so I knew what he was talking about. But hearing him explain it again - our evolution as a species, how we are exceptionally good at sweating and breathing at the same time, how we are fundamentally designed for running as fish are for swimming and birds are for flying - it hit home. Kind of nice to know you're doing exactly what our species is designed to do best.

Run free
When someone in the crowd asked him what he thought about the newest Newton running shoes, his answer was simply that we shouldn't spend so much time focusing on "the stuff." It's not about the latest shoes* or the time on our Garmin. Of the things that influenced him the most he said Jenn Shelton's motto "run free," was one of the best. I've naturally been incorporating this into my injury recovery and hearing him talk about makes me think "running free" will have an extended stay in my life.

*Chris himself was sporting some huaraches made by Barefoot Ted, which he wore to the fun run and the lecture. 

100 Up
I imagine the question he most often asked by runners (and was last night) is how exactly the Tarahumara run. It's not something he could really explain, but he told the audience to go home and find a video called the 100 Up. See the video below for a demonstration. You can also read his original New York Times article about it here.

Have you tried the 100 Up? How do you feel about "running free?"

It's All in the Hips

So I've been to physical therapy three times now. The PT concured with the doctor that yes, it probably is just shin splints. I won't lie, I was slightly disappointed. Not that I want a stress fracture or anything, but at least a fractured bone has a healing time, a sort of expiration date if you will. Shin splints are just there until they aren't anymore. That is that.

During the first session last week I had an evaluation. After explaining my left shin woes and my recent, mentally debilitating setback, the PT checked to see where exactly all my strong a weak parts were. She watched how I walked. She watched how I stepped up and down from a platform. She did strength tests such as "I'm going to push here. Don't let me push." Major revelation learned from this? My hips are weak as shit!

As a result of this revelation I have been prescribed all sorts of hip strength-building exercises. According to the PT, their lack of ability to support any sort of stress may have inadvertantly caused more stress on the lower extremeties, eventually leaving my legs susceptible to shin splints. But, whether my weak hips have directly or indirectly resulted in my shin splints or not, it can't hurt to have stronger hips. It's clearly an area I've been neglecting.

At the end of my first session I point blank asked her: "Will this fix me? Will PT fix everything?" To which she responded: "Yes...if it is done and if it is done correctly." I didn't really get what she meant by that, but I quickly understood during the next few evenings as I found myself taking up 40 minutes of time doing the exercises she gave me. I can see how some people might skip out on a rep here and there or abandon a whole night altogether. So far I haven't done any of that though. I will gladly give up 40 minutes or an hour or two hours every night if it will make me better! My shins have definitely been feeling better in the last week. Whether that is because of PT or just because of more rest I will never know.

At the end of this day I'm actually starting to think that this injury was a really good thing. I was grinding myself to the bone, not taking care of my body. I'm lucky I didn't end up with something worse. Now I feel like I'm started to re-build myself from the bottom up. I've been given a do-over and I'm sure as hell not going to waste it.

Part Deux

Though I was not planning to post on this theme again right away, after reading something this weekend, I decided I just had to write this follow up to my last post.

I recently started reading Running the Edge by Adam Goucher and Tim Catalano and last night I came across this passage which, I think, really sums up exactly "what it is about running":

"'Pretend I am a person who can only see the world in black-and-white. Now imagine you need to explain to me what the color blue looks like. How would you do it?...'Being a runner is like being able to see the color blue'...it feels natural and easy. Your legs feel powerful and strong. Your breath, heartbeat, and muscles have found a rhythm and harmony working together in perfect balance. You get a sense that this is what all humans were meant to do, and you feel a connection to your primitive ancestors, as if you have discovered what you were always meant to be...you unlocked the secret to a new understanding, just as the person who has never seen in color opens her eyes to the see the color blue."

Pretty perfect, right?

Have you read "Running the Edge?" Did you like it?

What is It About Running?

For over a month now I've been trying every other sweat-inducing workout to try and replace running. Yes, they've caused me to sweat, feel a burn and even some soreness the next day, but I haven't fully been able to find the same satisfaction in any of these activities as I do when I run.

It seems every other day someone is asking me "Well, Kristin, why don't you try something else? You can still workout you know. Why is it any different?" And then I sort of draw a blank and have nothing to say back because whatever I feel about running I just can't seem to sum up in words. I wish I could just beam them into my consciousness for a minute and maybe then they'd understand.

The thing is lots of people, mostly you dear readers, understand exactly what I'm talking about. I'm not the first person who has mourned not being able to run. There is something special about running, but it can be difficult to pinpoint.

So, all that said, here is what I have come up with to answer the age old "what is it about running that you love so much" question:

I love that I am the only piece of necessary equipment
No bikes or helmets. No yoga mats. No swim caps or goggles. Just me, myself, and I. Even shoes are optional.

Heck you don't even need actual workout clothes

I love that I can step outside my door and do it
Between work and grad school and wedding planning, running can always be squeezed in somewhere, whether it's at 5 am or 8 pm or even during lunch. I can literally step outside my door and get going. But now I have to think about my commute time to the gym, when the pool will be open, what time the spin class starts and how early I have to get there to get a spot, and whether there is a convenient yoga class lined up for this evening. So much extra planning, so much extra non-workout time.

Let's just do the math:

If I want to run for one hour I will workout for one hour. 

Total workout time = 60 minutes. 

Total time dedicated to workout = 60 minutes. 

But..

If I want to go to a one hour spin class then I have to bike 15 minutes to the gym, arrive 15 minutes before class starts and then bike home 15 minutes afterwards. 

Total workout time = 60 minutes. 

Total time dedicated to workout = 105 minutes. 

Now that's just crappy.

I love that I can let my mind wander

Rigorous tempo or speed workouts aside, most of the time I can let my thoughts roam free when I run. It's just a constant, repetitive motion. One foot in front of the other. My legs do the work, my mind takes a break. It's my "me" time.

I love that I can connect
If I'm running in a group I connect with the group. We share a common passion. I love the running community. I've never met a bunch of more positive, genuinely nice people.

If I'm running solo I connect with myself. I connect with the earth. I find that running can be very spiritual. To me it is the ultimate form of therapy. I always feel physically and mentally refreshed after a good run.

A quiet trail run takes the edge off

I love that it makes the world feel bigger and smaller at the same time

At some point in my running career I ran far enough that suddenly nothing seemed inaccessible. I felt like I could run anywhere in my city. No need for a bike or the bus. I've got my feet! And then I started running trails and I realized how big and far reaching everything was, but it still seemed attainable. Maybe that's why I like ultras. It's big and small at the same time. 

Running can take you places...like Amish Country for instance

I love that it packs a big calorie burning punch

This is of course one of the biggest reasons people love to run. Whether you're running fast or slow, running for just 10 minutes can burn 100+ calories. Now that is math that I like!

A marathon is definitely a big calorie burning punch

So tell me - what is it about running for you? Why do you miss running when you can't do it?

Taking the Pressure Off

Yesterday it was 70 degrees out for the first time in months. The perfect, perfect day for a run. I wanted to run oh so badly, but I practiced self-disciplined. I didn't run.

Instead I went home after work, threw on shorts and my favorite Nike pullover, the one I would instinctively reach for in the dark for early morning runs, stepped out of my apartment building and walked 3 miles. In some ways I consider yesterday's walk to be more of an accomplishment than running the marathon. It required far more self-discipline. But you do have to walk before you can run I suppose.

I walked to the bike path, the same path I've cursed so many times for being so boring. Except this time it wasn't boring. It was fantastic. I've missed it so much.

I walked slowly and cautiously. Previous to yesterday the only walking I have really been doing for the past 3+ weeks has been from my living room to my bedroom or my office desk to the mail room. I have been trying not to put any pressure on my shins. The walk was a thoroughly enjoyable experience and I experienced no pain other than a few minor blimps here and there at the beginning. I could feel my legs getting stonger with each step. Progress!

I also began to break in my new Kinvara 2s. They feel as good as they look.

But on to the main point of this post - taking the pressure off.

Really, taking the pressure off of myself. If there is one thing about myself that I am certain, it's that if it's on my calendar or on my training plan it may as well be etched in stone. I will do practically anything to hit my goal.

Knowing this, for now, in order to protect myself, I need to remove the goal. This means that I will not be running the North Face Endurance Challenge 50-Miler in DC on June 2nd. While I have mourned the loss of this over the past week or two as it began to sink in, at this point I am past it. Because the thing is that life doesn't end on June 2nd. There will be a June 3rd, and a June 4th, and then it will be July and August, and then the fall, and then 2013. Life goes on and so will I.

For now the June 2nd race is a "North Face Endurance Challenge Distance TBD." They have a marathon and 50k and I hope to be able to participate in one of those distances. Yes, a marathon is still a reasonably difficult distance, but it's half as much as I originally planned to do, so I think I could be okay.

I also emailed the race director for the Trail Triple Marathon at the end of April to see if I could switch to the half. I even held myself back from registering from Marine Corps this week (thank god it sold out in two hours to remove the temptation), which would be a problem if I did happen to get into NYCM. Some day I'd love to run two marathons in two weekends, but this year is not the year.

For now, the only goal is to get back to running. Races or no races, it doesn't matter. There is always the future.

An Apology Letter to My Left Shin

Dear Left Shin,

I'm sorry for running you ragged without any rest.

I'm sorry for not icing.

I'm sorry for not stretching.

I'm sorry for not doing other activities that would give you a break.

I'm sorry for not building the other muscles around you to take some of the weight off your shoulders.

I'm sorry for beating you up with my fists when you weren't cooperating and making you hurt even more.

I'm sorry for being grumpy and negative when you probably needed positive reinforcement.

I'm sorry for calling you "shitty" and yelling other curse words in your general direction.

I'm sorry for not appreciating you when you helped me do amazing things.

I'm sorry for getting mad at you when I should have been mad at myself.

I'm sorry for not taking care of you every day.

I'm sorry for expecting so much out of you without helping out.

You can run 10 miles. You can run 30. And some day you will run 50 and 100.

I can be better. I will be better.

Love, Kristin

My First Trail Ultra: What I Learned

If you haven't read the recap yet, you can find it here. You can also find my goals for this race here.

Finishing the PHUNT 50k was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. Physically it was demanding, but not as demanding as I thought my first marathon was. Whether this is because I wasn't pushing the pace and racing like I did during the marathon, or whether it is because my body is more accepting of the stress I put on it and has adapted to handle more since the marathon I will never know.

No, the physical demands for this race were not the tough part. It was the mental demands that would make or break me. Trail running is different from road running for many reasons (more of which to be discussed below), but one of the biggest differences I found was the mental challenge of running on trails. Unlike a road race, there are no cheering crowds in the middle of the woods. Often, for much of the second half of the race, there weren't even any other runners. No one would know if I dropped out or took a short cut. It's only you out there. The trees aren't going to push you forward. You have to do it yourself.

I think the fact that this race was made up of two identical loops really messed me up. The entire first loop I was dreading having to do it all over again (by myself no less) a second time. Of course once the second loop came I kind of appreciated the fact that I knew what to expect. So I suppose there are pros and cons to a double loop course.

At the end of the first loop, what really made me push on was a simple question: Would I rather suffer 3.5 more hours through another 15.8 miles? Or suffer another 3.5 months feeling regret for not finishing and giving up? The answer was obvious. Sometimes math is all you need.

In terms of the actual course, for me, 31 miles is not a terribly challenging distance. I would call it of moderate difficulty. What was extremely difficult for me was the terrain. Previous to this race I had run a 5k and a 5-miler on a nearby Philadelphia trail called Forbidden Drive. After the PHUNT, I can confidently say that Forbidden Drive is nothing more than a treadmill with gravel on top of it (at least the main drag of it is). The PHUNT course was about 90% through the woods, on single track, rocky, rooted, trails with lots of small stream crossings and constant uphills and downhills. I know most of my pictures show me running through fields, but frankly when we were in the woods on those tough trails the last thing on my mind was taking a picture to show you what it looked like. I thought it was very, very difficult. While I was grateful for the weather being warm, that also meant that the ground warmed up and the mud became thick and very slippery. I probably lost 20-30 minutes having to walk in places I would normally run because I didn't want to slip and fall down a hill.

As I said, mentally this race was very tough. Like always, I was so glued to my time goal, I thought about DNF-ing when I knew I wouldn't hit it. "What's the point?" I thought. I kept reminding myself that finishing was my first goal, however, and that helped push me through. Am I proud of my finish time? No, definitely not, but I'm definitely proud of finishing.

I spent the first half of the race so angry and disappointed with myself. It wasn't until the second half that I accepted the fact that I'm a newbie trail runner and that's okay. I would consider myself an experienced runner at this point, having raced everything from 5k to marathon, so it was hard for me to realize that I might be a beginner when it came to trails. As I said in my recap, this race was very humbling, and this was the reason why.


 Since the race ended I've thought a lot about my training plan and how I need to adjust it. I'm very happy that I finished the race if only to come to these realizations. At this point I still have 6 months until my 50-miler, so there is a lot of time to improve. Here are some big things I learned:

I need to train on trails if I'm going to race on trails
This is the number one thing I learned. I was naive to think that high mileage was the only thing I needed to get through a 50 mile race. If I want to go fast on trails I need to practice on trails. Can't save that for race day. I'm going to try to include one trail run every other (if not every) weekend from now on.

I need to spend less time at aid stations
In my 7 hours and 21-some minutes doing the PHUNT, I spent at least 15 minutes at aid stations. I felt safe in them. I didn't want to leave. But I've got to learn to grab and go. It doesn't matter if I leave the aid station walking while finishing my snacks. The point it I'm making progress on the course.

I don't need to bring a lot with me when aid stations are numerous
I definitely overpacked for this race. I didn't end up eating any of my own food during the race and just using what was at the aid stations. To be fair, since this was a free race, I didn't expect anything from aid stations other than water, so that's why I brought a lot. Fortunately though, a lot of runners were generous and brought loads of food. In a paid race there will definitely be food at aid stations, and if those aid stations are no more than 5 or 6 miles apart, I can get by with a handheld or waist pack. No need to weigh myself down with the big camelbak.

If I walk it's got to be a power walk
Unless you are an elite, walking must be done during an ultra. End of story. Again, I was naive to think otherwise. I learned very quickly on Saturday that you expend way too much energy running up a hill, so I ended up walking. A lot. I walked slowly and sloth-like and I saw a lot of walkers passing me, because they were power walking. It's the best compromise between running and crawling.

I want to race on more trails
In addition to training on trails regularly I also want to race on them more leading up to the 50-miler. Ideally I'd love to do some shorter races, maybe a 10k or 10 miler, where I could test my skills and speed and not burn myself out, but right now there don't appear to be very many in my area. I did sign up for another 50k in February (no less than 2 hours after I got home by the way - I must be off my rocker crazy), and I already had another one planned in March. I'm curious to see what their trails are like compared to the PHUNT's, which I found very challenging. I'll keep my eye out for some other things this spring.

I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed this race. Even in times of great elation during the second half I just wanted it to be over. Right now I don't like trail running, but I think that I could. There was something really peaceful about running alone in the woods. I can confidently say that after 7 hours I drove out of that park a different person than when I drove in that morning.

I can do better. I can be better. But I've got a lot of work to do!

Do you run trail races? What is the best piece of advice you could give me as a newbie?

Don't forget to VOTE for me to join Team Refuel! Vote 'Kristin Hoeberlein' once a day now through January 15th!

Never Take a Mile for Granted Again: PHUNT 50k Recap

I mean that when I say it. From here on out a mile will never be an after thought. It will never be under appreciated. I'm so used to be able to clip through one in 8 minutes. So on Saturday, when it was taking me 20 minutes to get through one, it made me re-evaluate a lot of things. If I could sum up the PHUNT 50k, my first trail race and my first ultra, in one word it would be humbling. But let's start at the beginning...

The nice thing about winter races is that they start later. We didn't have to toe the line until 9 am. I was wide awake and jumped out of bed before my alarm even went off at 6. It had been days since I'd gotten a real run in because I was sick. I felt like I did right before the marathon in November: ready to run and end the taper!

I had packed up my bags the night before. As usual I overpacked, but I was so unsure about the weather, that I decided to bring 3 different outfits just in case. I also packed two PB&Js, two granola bars, bananas, fig newtons, two packs of Sport Beans, and a Naked juice to share with Mike. 

Sophie not included

For breakfast I ate a bowl of oatmeal, a granola bar, and a banana. After the dogs went for a quick walk we were out the door and on the road by 7:30 am. 

Time to go!

The roads were empty and we arrived at the park where the race was being held in about 50 minutes. Before I go further I should mention that this was a fat-ass, meaning I paid nothing to register. The event was thrown by the TrailDawgs running club. All they would guarantee to provide was the marked course, some water and gatorade at the two aid stops, and maybe some soup and hotdogs at the finish. This I was all prepared for, but one thing I did not think about was restroom facilities. At big road races I'm used to lines of porta potties, which no doubt some of my registration fee goes towards. Since this was a free event, however, all the runners had to share one porta potty at the park entrance. Fortunately I didn't have an emergency, but I always like going one last time before starting so I waited on line for about 25 minutes until my turn came. Next time I would probably show up 15 minutes earlier to avoid this. 

At that point in the morning it was about 45 degrees out and we knew temps were going to go up to the mid-50s so I opted for shorts, a long sleeve, and compression socks, and Mike decided to wear shorts, a tech tee, and a light jacket that wouldn't be too heavy to tie around his waist if need be.

All of the hundred some runners gathered at the start line around 9 am. The race director said a few words about the trail markings and then we were off! 

Start line

The 50k course was made up of two identical 25k loops. Each loop was divided into three sections and there was one aid station that you would pass at both mile 5 and mile 10 (and then mile 20 and mile 25 on the second loop). The course did not measure an exact 50k (31.07 miles). Each loop was about 15.8 miles, making the total distance around 31.6. Mike was planning on doing one loop with me and I'd tackle the second on my own.

It looks a lot nicer on paper

To recap the actual race I'm going to break it down by how I was feeling each chunk of miles.

Mile 0-0.5: Oh my god this is amazing! It's so beautiful! I love running! Everyone is so chill and laid back. This is just going to be a relaxing 31 mile trail run!

Mile 0.5-5: Wow, this terrain is actually pretty tough. It's pretty hilly too. This is kind of hard. I can't even enjoy the scenery. I have to look down and make sure I don't trip. It's ok though. I'm already hungry. Need some Sport Beans. I can finish in my goal time (sub 6) if I make it to the 5 mile aid station in under 55 minutes. It will be fine, right?

Mile 5 Aid Station: Thank god! I'm so hungry and I thought the first five miles were really hard. Oh wow look at this spread! Cookies, Fig Newtons, peanut butter crackers, Pringles, M&Ms! Screw running. I just want to stay here and eat.

Mile 5-7ish: Okay this second section is much better. Flatter, wider paths. Beautiful forest. Nice downhill too. I'm flying now!

Mile 7ish-10: Okay, now it's sucking again. Also, I just tripped over a root, landing on my hands luckily, but I feel like I just effed up the toes on my right foot. Ouch. Oh god this is taking forever! People are passing us. Where the hell is the aid station. We've been running almost two hours now! How are we not at mile 10 yet?! My legs are feeling a little sore.

Mile 10 Aid Station: It's about damn time. Ultra aid stations make my life! More cookies! Seriously though, I'm starving again. How am I burning through my energy this quickly? We've been running a little over two hours. If I can get through the last section in another hour and run the second loop in the same amount of time I think I can make sub 6 or just over.

Mile 10-15.8: I hate running. If I see another tree again I'm going to stab someone. I don't see where I could possibly pull the motivation to do another loop. To do this all over again seems impossible. How can I rationalize quitting? 15.8 miles is still good right? Maybe this doesn't have to be my first ultra. Oh my god why is there so much mud? I can't run up or downhill with all of this mud or I'll risk slipping off a cliff! I'm not doing another loop. I feel like a failure. Why did I think I could do this? This is the never ending 5 miles.

Start/Finish Line Aid Station: There's the aid station! I see it! I can't believe one loop is done! I'm starving again. I need to eat. Dunkin' Donuts Munchkins?? Hell yes. And ginger ale? Pour me a glass of that! I need a sugar rush.

Mile 15.8-16: Wait am I running again? Like running the second loop? I can't believe I'm doing this. Oh well, here we go.

Mile 16-20: This first section is going a lot better the second time around. I'm going slower, but it seems easier.

Mile 20 Aid Station: Oh my gosh is that Mike? He drove to meet me! Still pretty hungry. Better grab some M&Ms.

Heading out from the aid station after mile 20

Mile 20-25: I like this section just as much as I liked it the first time around. Why couldn't the whole race be like this? Oh look some other runners. Let's talk to them. Hey, one of those other girls is also doing her first trail and first ultra. And that guy ran 100 miles. I'll talk to him.

Coming back to the aid station after around 25 miles

Mile 25 Aid Station: Not hungry. No time to waste. I've got a little over 5 miles to the finish! Woo let's do this!

Everything hurts!

Mile 25-31.6: This section feels just as long as the first time around. Not quite as muddy anymore. The ground is firming up. Very few runners left now. Just keep running. Just keep running. The sun is starting to go down. It's getting chilly. I can hear the finish line! There it is!

DONE: 31.6 miles, 3,000 feet of climbing, 7:21:57, average 13:59 pace

The way that dog looks is exactly how I felt the whole time

I had about 150 miles on my New Balance Minimus shoes before this race, but I think only after this were they sufficiently broken in. 

Thanks to muddy trails and stream crossings

I was really worried about what my feet would look like when I took my socks and shoes off. Remember when I tripped and stubbed my toes?

They look worse today. Trust me.

I'll save the rest of my recap for another day. It would be too much for one post. Suffice to say though, I learned a lot about myself during those 7+ hours.

Don't forget to VOTE for me to join Team Refuel! Vote 'Kristin Hoeberlein' once a day now through January 15th!

Flashback Run

On Sunday, February 6, 2011 I ran 6.5 miles. It was a special run for many reasons. For one, it was my longest run to date. I was training for my first half marathon. Which brings me to the second reason it was special - it was half of the 13.1 mile distance that I would complete 3.5 months later on race day.

On that chilly winter day I remember heading out mid-afternoon. I decided to go up West River Drive, a road I don't normally run on. I find it boring. It's right on the highway. I rarely run there, even now. I ran about 3.25 miles out until I got to the turn around point at a parking lot. I remember stopping for about five minutes and walking around in circles. 6.5 miles was a big deal. It was only when I had run 6 miles consecutively, just a week earlier, that I has actually started to feel like a real runner. Something about being able to run for one hour straight made me feel like the real deal. After my walk break I turned around a headed back home.

I don't remember the run back, but I do remember exactly how I felt when I was finished. I was both elated and disappointed. Yes, I had completed my longest run so far, but it had felt extremely challenging. The only thought running through my head was "how the hell am I supposed to run DOUBLE that distance?" It seemed impossible.

I don't remember a lot of my runs. How could I? I've been running 5-6 times a week for over a year. But I always remember that run for some reason. At some point yesterday I decided I was going to run that 6.5 mile route. I haven't run it since that day in February.

Blurry pictures are my specialty

It was 59 degrees out, on the first day of winter no less, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to wear shorts. I had hoped it would be a tempo run, but the heat caught me off guard (next time nix the long sleeves). I was drenched in sweat by the time I got home. Even though I struggled, I still finished more than 4 minutes faster than I had almost 11 months ago.

Sometimes we forget just how far we've come. A route that was once my weekend long run is now just part of my average mid-week mileage. I had so many doubts on that day about whether or not I'd actually be able to run a half marathon. Yet 3.5 months later that's exactly what I did. And I did it again 4 months after that. And then two months after that I ran a marathon. And now, in 16 days, I'll be tackling my first ultra.

The point is, you'll be surprised what you are capable of. It's easy to get caught up in disappointments and always thinking that you need to do better. That's why I like doing runs like this. It makes me appreciate all of the progress I've made.

Is there are specific run or workout that you go back to every so often to see hwo far you've come?

Don't forget to VOTE for me to join Team Refuel! Vote 'Kristin Hoeberlein' once a day now through January 15th!

Getting Rid of the Grinch

November was an awesome month. Really. Freaking. Awesome. December? Not so much. I feel like I should be caught up in all of the holiday excitement, but instead I'm a complete stress case. Kristin the Grinch.

Yes, finals and the semester will officially be over tomorrow night at 7 pm, which means for the next few weeks I can go home at a normal time and not fill up my weekends with homework. And yes, my job generously gives all it's employees the entire week off between Christmas and New Year's as holiday pay. And yes, since Mike and I work at the same place we both get that week off, which means we can spend it together.

But instead of getting giddy thinking of all of these things, all I'm thinking about is how much I have to do at work between today and December 23rd and how much I have to get done during my holiday week. From thank you cards to wedding planning to lecture writing to website building, the list keeps growing. My vacation week is really starting to look like a work week.

The thought of all of it is weighing on me and since the beginning of the month I can see that I've been over sleeping, eating poorly, and zoning out after work and on the weekends instead of getting anything done. And so the list grows and I keep trying to hide from it. It is a vicious cycle. And I'm over it.

The planner in me is always thinking, "It's okay if you messed up, there's a new week starting soon or a new month," but I don't want to wait until January to feel better. December is just a word and dates are really meaningless. I'm ready to start my new month today. This means:

• Getting the hell up! - Yeah, it's officially winter and 20 degrees in the morning, not to mention pitch black outside. Suck it up. Get up. You'll never regret you did.
• Putting down the brown food - If everything you ate today was a brownish color, it's time to put down the fork and go grocery shopping. Colorful foods mean more vitamins, more natural, more good better for your body.
• Knocking things off the list - It doesn't have to be all at once. Maybe just an hour a day, work on something that's been on your to-do list and knock it out of the park. Yes, maybe other things will replace it, but at least they won't be added on top of it.
• Relaxing - Yoga is not really my cup of tea, but I've had this secret urge to go to a Bikram class for awhile. I need to suck it up and do it. I'll feel better afterwards. Also, maybe a massage is in order.

This calls for some serious Pinterest motivation!

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How do you get yourself out of a rut? Do you have any tricks?

The Elusive Sub-2

No, I'm not talking about my own, personal elusive sub-2 half goal. I crushed that in September and then some.

Sub-2 here I come!...Oops, wrong sub-2

I'm talking about all of the murmurings about the possibility and even likelihood of someone achieving a sub-2 marathon in the relatively near future. Elusive indeed.

Obviously I've never had the priviledge (or lung capacity) to pass an elite runner, but during several races I've been fortunate enough to pass them running the other direction on an out and back course. Because, you know, they are already more than half way done and I'm only one mile in. Anyways, the point is, that when they pass you there is this incredible vortex wind flow that undulates off of these runners. It's as if they're moving so fast that the tiny bits of matter and air in front of them can't get out of the way fast enough. It's truly incredible to feel them whip by you as they create their own forces of wind using just their bodies.

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Unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past three days, you know that Geoffrey Mutai won the ING New York City Marathon on Sunday. You also know that he set a course record by 2 minutes 37 seconds finishing in 2:05:06. Yeah, that's a 4:46 pace. Ridiculous.


Literally airborne, Source

You also may know that the Mutai also won Boston back in April, setting a course record and a debateable world record with the fastest marathon time ever, finishing in 2:03:02. Unfortunately his Boston time was not sanctioned as a world record because Boston's course is net downhill and they were running with a tailwind. It's all BS if you ask me. Sure a net downhill and a tailwind may help you out a little, but your body has still got to be able to run 26.2 miles in two hours and three minutes. If anything, Mutai's win in New York this weekend was proof of his ability since, on a much tougher course and without a tailwind, he still finished with an amazing time. 

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So what exactly would a sub-2 hour marathon look like? Well for starters you'd have to average at least a 4:34 pace to make it right under the mark. BBC wrote an article on this subject recently in which they outlined several requirements for accomplishing this feat:

1. The perfect elite athlete - They specify someone from East Africa. I don't know enough about all elite runners and specifically East African runners to comment on this.

2. The perfect course - Perhaps even with a little downhill, but so long as it's a fast course it will do the job. They recommend London or Berlin, but it would be cool if the first sub-2 was in America (come to Philly - it's pretty flat here!) 

3. Perfect weather - my perfect running temperature is about 53 degrees F. The cooler the better I say. As well, obviously not having a headwind would be helpful.

4. Good pace setters - I'll point out here that I think it's interesting that men can run with pacers and get a world record time, but women cannot start at the same time as men and have their potential times count as a woman's world record. Set me straight if I'm wrong - can a man with a pacer set a course or world record? 

 5. Lots of dough - Money, money, money. It not only costs a lot of money to put a race on, but the more money you have to offer the winners or record breakers, the more incentive they will have to do well.

Do I think there is a sub-2 marathon in our future? Absolutely! I can only hope that I'll be around to witness it!